| I'm still not ready to give up this blog yet. Tonight, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of joy, fulfillment and love that I do not remember, or have not felt for a long time now. I really do not know how to adequately describe it. I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes; like the doors of my heart have been flung open to let in something that has been waiting to take it's place in my heart. Life, for however brief a moment, truly makes me want to stop, to reflect and take it all in. For once, I feel like I truly understand. It has been some time since I have written anything here. I wish I could provide an explanation, but the truth is, I don't really know what to say. Nor will any attempt I make, be able to fully express everything I have to say. I hope you can understand. As I sit here, quietly reflecting on everything He has brought me through, how He has brought this far, and how much more He will take me through, I am brought to my knees. "What am I, that You would be mindful of me?", and wondering just why You would ever care enough to bring me, even through times where I denied You, when I am dragged along the ground, against my will and ashamed of my sin, defiant before my King, to this very point of grace. To this place of renewal and realization, where You break me and You carry me, step by step, to the top of the mountain. And as we look upon the rest of the world from the heights, and I see the deep, dark valleys we have passed through, the long, dry desert trails where I could not feel Your presence, the many places where You wrestled me to submission, just so You could pronounce a blessing, I can hear Your voice whispering in my ear, saying "Thus far I have helped you, Simon. All this I did, just to bring You here."
The view is incredible, and suddenly every time of hurt, pain, darkness and doubt seems insignificant compared to the sheer, complete joy that comes from You. And for that I am truly, truly thankful. I can see now that it really is true, when they say that these years will be the most memorable, the most important, and the most life-changing that you will ever encounter. For me, I now understand how these times are the ones that will direct your paths, that will shape the kind of life you want to live, and who you want to live for. It's a time of transition, and living in Dunedin has clearly shown me, that the next few steps are crucial.
What kind of life will you begin to build for yourself?
What kind of person will you be, or want to be?
Who will you serve, and what will you live by?
What values will you carry with you, as you move into the next chapter of life?
What do I want out of this one life, that I live?
All these questions are upon me, and upon many of us as well. These are the times of testing, where Paul writes, that our foundations of faith will be tried, and only those that build on the solid Rock will stand. How will we emerge? Will the life I build for myself survive the fire? Or will I be weighed and found wanting? 1 Peter 1:7 says, "that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory when Jesus Christ is revealed". Will I allow the world to dictate what kind of life I "should" have, with their notions of temporal pleasures, self-gratification and 'worldly things'? The stand, for me, begins here. There is a line, and I know full well which side I want to be found on. And I hope to have you standing beside me. To God be the glory. I'll be back soon, but I'd like to leave you with some of the most simple, yet beautiful lyrics I have ever heard, that have brought brand new meaning to my faith. May they do the same for you :)
In the morning, when I rise
When I am all alone
When I come to die
Just give me Jesus Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus - Jeremy Camp
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